The first book of Lankhmar

The first book of Lankhmar – Fritz Leiber ****

In the seemingly always misty great city of Lankhmar two most unlikely heroes met for a second and decisive time (don’t ask about the first time they met). The huge, strong, sword-wielding barbarian Fafhrd who is obsessed with civilisation, and small, clever, disillusioned thief Grey Mouser, former wizard-apprentice and still walking a very precocious path between Good and Evil, where not likely to be good friends. But they recognised something in each other, some part that had been missing, and together they would form a faithful but unruly alliance that would make them the greatest thieves - heroes in all of Nehwon.
Sounds like a book for Niklas doesn’t it? ;o) The rest of you, bear with me, please.
This collection of short stories of the massively unlikely adventures is nothing, nothing like you expect it. This is Conan the Barbarian meets Ankh-Morpoc on the rampage.
For starters, they are so stupid. I mean, Mouser is clever, but not intelligent. Fafhrd is book-learned but dense. Their two mentors/employers/slavemasters that they eventually end up in the clutches of are petty and childish. The two women they love (which are only presents in the first chapters, then they die horribly, being eaten by magic rats) are vengeful and spoiled. Everyone in the great city has his or her own agenda, most of which goes completely way-hay.
This is so much fun.
Absurd amounts of riches, gold, jewels and power run through these accomplished thieves (in one hilarious story they actually steal a house) and they loose it just as quick. I thought I had found some great mistakes in the story because the description of their swords and daggers – Greywand, Cat’s Claw, Scalpel – looked different in every story until the author with splendid dry irony told that the two heroes lost, broke, sold or traded their weapons all the time, but with pure stubbornness always called them the same….No sentimental ancestral weapons here!
Magic appears and disappears as it fits the story. They are attacked by watch-leopards, birds, dinosaurs, evil priests, fog, cloaks (!) and a tower (no, not the people in the tower. Attacked by the tower) They are immensely rich – they are so poor they have to sleep in the gutters. They really don’t like killing people, but once they get started….
Reading the entire book might tire the best, but like Gaimans collections, once you’ve read the two first chapters you might jump as you wish. Every chapter begins with a short note on what it is about (also very fun to read) for example: The Sunken Land. Involving the Atlantis of Nehwon – Somorgya. A tale of the wild Outer Sea. Of fishing for fish – and jewels. Of sheer, blond-haired madness. Vast Waves. With some details, though rather few, on how uncomfortable thick, black cloaks can be even for tall, stalwart fighting – men.
Snigger, snigger.
Can be recommended to anyone who likes good old High Fantasy (no elves though, mind you) with a twist.
Quote (a typical debate between Mouser and Fafhrd, although perhaps not typical to most barbarian and street-urchin heroes):
(…) “But before that, he – she, it, they – went through the hidden door.” Fafhrd stated.
“He – she and so forth – named us sons,” the Mouser mused.
“Yet he – consider the other pronouns spoken - had a point.”
“Damn your pronouns! We swore never to return. Have you forgotten that, Fafhrd?”
“No, but I’m dying of boredom. Times I have sworn never again to drink wine.”
“I would choke to death on Lankhmar! Her day-smokes, her night smogs, her rats, her filth!”
“At the moment, Mouser, I care little whether I live or die, and where or when or how.”“Now adverbs and conjunctions! Bah, you need a drink!”